JORGE RODRIGUES SIMAO

Laura Pausini & Lara Fabian - La Solitudine (Live)

Throughout the ages many accomplished individuals have sung the praises of being alone. Henry David Thoreau, for instance, boasted, "I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude." This leads into the all-important question: Can you enjoy spending a lot of time alone? If you can't, it's likely a sign that you aren't able to discover quality in your own character.

Put another way, you have low self-esteem, a sense of feeling unworthy and undeserving of your own company.

Of course, not liking yourself can be a giant barrier to enjoying life in general.

If you want to master the art of being happy while alone, you must come to terms with the fact that aloneness is not synonymous with loneliness.

There are two sides to being alone.

The painful side is loneliness, which leads to symptoms associated with boredom, such as anxiousness and unhappiness.

These can further lead to ailments such as headaches, excessive sleeping, insomnia, and depression. At the extreme, people commit suicide.

The other side to being alone is the pleasant side - best known as solitude.

Solitude is an opportunity to indulge in many delightful activities that can only be enjoyed alone.

Although loneliness can mean dejection and sadness, solitude can mean contentment and even ecstasy. "Solitude makes us tougher towards ourselves and tenderer towards others," according to Friedrich Nietzsche. "In both ways it improves our character."

Sadly, most people never discover the pleasant side to being alone and the rewards it brings us.

Some people always feel alone, even in a crowd of people.

Many lonely people turn to others for validation, not realizing that true validation can only come from within. For this reason, Russian writer Anton Chekhov warned, "If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry."

All things considered, if you can only be happy with other people – and not alone - you are not a very happy person.

Loneliness when you are with others is a lack of connectedness with others.

Similarly, loneliness when you are alone is a lack of connectedness with yourself.

Incidentally, if you don't like yourself, why would you expect anyone else to like you?

To overcome loneliness, we must learn how to spend our time alone creatively.

The majority of us flee to society - as dull as society is most of the time - searching for some excitement to escape the greater dullness inside ourselves.

We also flee to society because we fear being alone.

Yet many of us end up feeling lonelier in a crowd than we are by ourselves.

There are two ways to react when you fee1 lonely while alone.

One response is known as sad passivity.

This includes crying, moping, excess eating, sleeping, and feeling sorry for you.

This reaction is normally the result of low self-esteem and a lack of defined goals for handling aloneness.

Other unhealthy ways to handle loneliness are getting stoned, boozing, gambling, and shopping.

In the short term, these seem to help alleviate loneliness. In the long run, however, they don't enhance social skills, help form close relationships, or develop high self-esteem.

The other response to loneliness is creative action.

This should include solo activities such as reading, writing 1etters, studying, listening to music, and working on a hobby, playing a musical instrument, and meditating.

You will find that being alone is a process of self-development, self-discovery, and self-love.

What's more, learning to like spending time by yourself will heighten the fun you have when you are with your friends.

For this reason, don't enjoy solitude only when it is forced upon you; seek it when it isn't.

You will learn to love yourself while getting to know yourself better.

When you learn to enjoy your own company, you will discover the paradise you have been looking for and all the happiness you will ever need.