JORGE RODRIGUES SIMAO

German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer concluded that we forfeit three fourths of ourselves to be like other people. One of the reasons we do this is to try to please everyone. As is to be expected, wanting respect and approval from others is natural for human beings. The problem isn't our desire for respect and approval from a few friends and acquaintances, however. What gets us in trouble is the desire to please the whole world. "I cannot give you the formula for success," claimed American journalist Herbert Bayard Swope, "but I can give you the formula for failure which is: Try to please everybody." These words, indeed, are ones to ponder carefully. Way too many people squander most of their time and energy trying to please others instead of focusing on their own hopes, plans, and dreams. Don't be one of them.

The core of the matter is that applause, compliments, and praise are a bonus in life and shouldn't be a need. You can't be liked and praised by everyone you know. In fact, your ability to accept disapproval and rejection is a valuable trait that you should develop. After all, it is inevitable that you will encounter many people who will dislike you. Put another way, you can't please all of the people all of the time; you can't please any one person all of the time; and you can never please certain people any time.

Contrary to popular belief, there is nothing wrong with having made an enemy or two. "If you have no enemies, you are apt to be in the same predicament in regards to friends," advised American author Elbert Hubbard. On the same note, famous humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow found that individuals on the highest level of psychological development are willing to make enemies while they do what is right for themselves and the world. They realize that they can't please everyone, regardless of how talented they are and how hard they try. The desire to be liked by everyone is just another form of greed - and self-actualized people aren't greedy individuals.

If you want to make your mark on the world, don't waste your precious time courting approval from everyone around you. You can't be all things to all people. Refrain from attempting to be what others want you to be. If you are always trying to please others, you will feel anxious, fearful, and unnatural. There is nothing quite as tough as to live up to others' ideals of what a friend or relative should be. Over the long term, your mental and physical health will suffer.

Success is doing what is right for us and not what our mothers or anyone else wants us to do. Above all, be yourself. "My mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general; if you become a monk, you'll end up as the pope,' " the great Spanish artist Pablo Picasso once remarked.”Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso."

Again, avoid seeking approval for what you plan to do with your life from everyone you meet - this is BAD, BAD, BAD for business. Keep in mind that your duty is always to yourself. Looking out for number one is important. You must take care of yourself if you want to take care of your family, be generous to your friends, and be of service to your community. Try to please everyone and you may end up pleasing no one.

It is inevitable that you will attract a lot of disapproval as you go through life. This is the price you pay for being alive and for being a unique individual. What others say about you is not only insignificant - but also totally irrelevant.

In the higher order of life, you get to decide what is significant in your world. When you finally get over the need to please everyone, you will experience amazing contentment from being truly yourself. You will wonder why this feeling eluded you for so long in the first place.